Funny Thoughts

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly your in bed with a relative.

3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "implants?" She hit me.

4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

5. Sign in Chinese pet store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

6. I live in my own little world. But it's okay, they know me here.

7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

10. There are two sides to every divorce. Yours and shitheads.

11. I love being married. Its so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

12. I am a nobody and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.

13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

14. How come we choose from just 2 people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

17. Snowmen fall from heaven unassembled

18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where its been!"

19. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail.....but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying "Damn .........that was fun!!!!!"

Quote :

How come we choose from just 2 people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

LOL

That one above is very telling on our society. Our priorities are screwed up.

GRRReat

I loved them all, and I really needed that laugh this morning!