Anger Management
(thank you RoyGBiv for this....lol)
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need
to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting
at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd
forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said,
"This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear,
"Get the right f _ _king number!"
and the phone was slammed
down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone
could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her,
I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
"You're an asshole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down
with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk
drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really
bad day, I'd call him
up and yell, "You're an asshole!"
It always cheered me up.
When Caller, ID was introduced,
I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would
have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the
telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller, ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting
ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black
BMW cut
me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn
and
yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.
I noticed a "For Sale"
sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial),
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
He said, "Yes, it is."
I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd., in Fairfax. It's a yellow Rambler,
and the car's parked right out in front."
I asked, "What's your name?"
He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"
I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
He said, "I'm home every evening after five."
I said,
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
He said, "Yes?"
I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole 1.
He said, "Hello."
I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah,"
He screamed, " Stop calling me,"
I said, "Make me,"
He asked, "Who are you?"
I said, "My name is Don Hansen."
He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"
I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd., in Fairfax, it's a yelloe
Rambler and I have a black Beamer parked in front."!
He said, "I'm coming over right
now, Don. And
you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.
Then I called Asshole 2.
He said, "Hello?"
I said,
"Hello, asshole."
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
I said, "You'll what?"
He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass!"
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your
chance. I'm coming over
right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd., in Fairfax, and that I was
on my way over there to
kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang
war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax .
I quickly got into my car and headed
over to Fairfax. I got there just in time
to watch two assholes
beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop
cars, an
overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really does work. :laugh4:
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