Best of Late Night

The Best of Late Night...

"While campaigning in Kentucky, Hillary Clinton stopped at a drugstore and bought a pair of reading glasses. It's true. Yeah, then she picked up a newspaper and said, 'Holy crap, I got to drop out of this race.'"

-Conan O'Brien



"President Bush was in Saudi Arabia to mark 75 years of official relations with the royal family. And 40 years of officially being screwed royally by that family. Did you see the present the royal family gave President Bush? You see what it was? ... A Schwinn. A brand new Schwinn, yeah. That pretty much says it all, doesn't it? He goes over there looking for solutions to the energy crisis, they give him a bicycle. And as you know, the country of Saudi Arabia is run by the Saudi royal family. Boy, imagine allowing someone to run a country just 'cause his dad ran the country. Thank God that could never happen here."

-Jay Leno



"This week, Barack Obama, true story, campaigned on an Indian reservation, and the tribal chief adopted him. Yeah, adopted him, part of the ceremony. The Indians actually prefer Obama to John McCain, because they still remember when McCain took their land."

-Conan O'Brien



"Hilary Clinton called David Archuleta immediately after the show and told him not to give up to stay in the competition no matter what."

-Jimmy Kimmel, on David Cook winning on American Idol



"Hillary Clinton campaigned extensively in Bowling Green, Kentucky, over the weekend. Barack Obama did not campaign in Bowling Green. He doesn't do well in any place with the word 'bowling' in it. Anywhere with 'bowling,' he is out of there. And I tell you, Hillary knows how to appeal to those voters. Like, she promised the people of Kentucky, if elected president, she would lower the price of pay-per-view wrestling fifty percent."

-Jay Leno



"But while President Bush was in Egypt, he did, he rode a camel. President Bush road a camel. So, if you are scoring at home, that's three humps."

-David Letterman



"On Wednesday, John Edwards officially endorsed himself for vice president. ... It's believed that Edwards' endorsement of Senator Obama will help Obama nail down the critical handsome millionaire vote."

-Amy Poehler :laugh4:



"And as you know, Senator John Edwards has endorsed Barack Obama. This is important, because his only other previous endorsement was, of course, for Crest Whitestrips."

-Jay Leno



"Speaking of Barack Obama, I guess he's having his differences with President Bush. Barack Obama says that President Bush refusing to meet with Iran's president would have been like Richard Nixon refusing to meet with Mao Zedong. After hearing this, President Bush said, 'Look, if he's going to make people up...'"

-Conan O'Brien :funny1:



"President Bush was just in Saudi Arabia meeting with King Abdullah. He gets a little confused. He kept saying, 'So where's Paula Abdullah?' I don't think he understands."

-Jay Leno

ROFLMAO...I can hardly breathe! LOL

Quote :

Did you see the present the royal family gave President Bush? You see what it was? ... A Schwinn. A brand new Schwinn, yeah. That pretty much says it all, doesn't it? He goes over there looking for solutions to the energy crisis, they give him a bicycle.

There. Problem solved! LOL! :laugh4: